Blank.

Egh.

School, is stupid.

Friends, seem sometimes complicated.

Home, is a nightmare.

Work, is a bitch.

Boyfriend, luckily is always there.

Life, just seems so pointless lately.

Some of my relatives say that I'm too mature for my age.

That I have grown up too fast so everything is boring for me now.

How can that be?

How can I have outgrown my childhood?

I'm still a kid at heart, am I not?

But lately everything just seems so "egh"

Like the other day Lydia took my friend Shirley and I to the mall. And I was excited, I hadn't been to the mall in a while. But once I got there and walked around, it wasn't as fun as I remembered. It was just crowded.

It seemed like a whatever thing, and I wanted to leave.

I don't even feel like going anywhere anymore.

I just stay home.

I don't even eat, and when I do I just eat because the food is there in front of me.

I don't care how I look when I go out.

All I do is sit and think.

And draw on myself((:

Until he texts me.

He makes me smile((:

and I'm so glad I have Him right now, we're both going through some stuff so it's noice to have someone else there who can actually understand you.

Of course there is my beloved shirley!

But my boyfriend is my sweetheart<33

The Idea of My Moving Out...Is driving Lydia INSANE.

She thinks I'm leaving because I want to have sex.

"Of course not Lydia! I don't need to move out to have sex, duhh((;"

But well I suppose it's just a motherly thing, whatever that is?

And Jesse thinks I'm unhappy.

No Father of mine!

I love you with all my heart, how can I be unhappy with you at my side?

Can they not understand that there is a moment in time where the young bird must spread their wings and fly on their own?

I just want some independence.

And I do have some at home, but living there I know that if I make a mistake then they will always be there to fix it.

...And that's not what I want.

I want to be able to fix my own problems.

How else will I learn to grow up?

How can they not understand that.

Oh well, I will leave soon either way.

Getting away will do me well.

Hopefully all goes well, Yes?

Reality.

Can you love someone, and still date other people?

Not just love them, but be IN LOVE with them?

If this is true, then there is hope.

and if not, then am I just being stupid?

:/

help needed...

Senior Baby.

Pressure pressure baby.

haha.

I hate how grown-ups try to teach us not to be so "naggy" and "dramatic" when sometimes they're the dramatic ones.

A GREAT example would be our English teacher, Mr. Jahnke.

He's such a great teacher, handsome and funny, gahh! I would totally hit that.

:DD

He has his whole life figured out, so he says, but he nags and nags and nags.

He's always telling us not to nag and to grow up.

It's like what the hell? How can you say that to someone without yourself actually being able to grow up.

Makes no sense.

You can't force a person to grow up, duhh!

A person grow up on their own, depending on influences, parents, school, etc.

People grow up when someone "big" happens in their life, it's not that easy, as most people have noticed.

But other than that, being a senior is preety noice.

Lot's of pressure.

Colleges, Universities, Grades, Dances?, Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Friends!

Our heads are about to explode!

Why do teenagers worry so much?

How can we have so many worries and thoughts going through our heads, its amazing.

hehe.

Boys are still in my mind :]

But one stands out more than the others.

(won't say who :DD)

A lot of bad things have been happening, but I'd rather not say because I shouldn't be thinking of the bad things. I should be happy, and so I try to make the best of everything.

I hope that's a good thing?

I'm guessing that's all for now.

If I think of anything else, I'll bring it up :]

tah-tah.

<33

I Wonder.

I wonder why when people are in love, they fight.
I wonder why people eat fast food instead of cooking at home.
I wonder why everyone is afraid of homosexuality.
I wonder why parents think hitting their children is correct.
I wonder why people can't just grab a cloud.
I wonder why the world is falling apart.
I wonder why I don't have a boyfriend.
I wonder why I hardly have a "true" friend.
I wonder why the guy I like doesn't like me back.
I wonder how much I'll grow by the time I'm 21.
I wonder if next summer I'll be able to go to New York.
I wonder if I'll ever get over him.
I wonder if I'll ever go to Russia.
I wonder if people truly like me.
I wonder if the words "I'm Sorry" really make a difference.
I wonder why teens don't do their homework.
I wonder why dirty old men hit on young girls.
I wonder why I feel so disliked by people.
I wonder how things will be 50 years from now.
I wonder if I'll ever get married.
I wonder if I'll ever get to do all the things I want before I die.
I wonder how it feels to die.
I wonder if it'll hurt.
I wonder why I'm so unhappy all the time.
I wonder why I let people push me around so.
I wonder why so much bad stuff has happened to me.
I wonder what I did to deserve it?
I wonder if this is God's plan for me.
I wonder if my brother loves me.
I wonder if he knows how much I truly love him.
I wonder if my friends know how much love I have for them.


There's so much to wonder about...
I just want to know if I'll be happy...

PB&J

Isn't it a nice feeling when you meet someone who makes you smile everyday?
After being alone for a while, that feeling is almost magical.




Here I go :]

So,...In march of this year, I started going to Adult school. My friend and I were judging guys as they walked into class. Lame, I know. We were rating them and saying who we would date and what not...

So this guy walked in, I didn't know him. I had never seen him before,...But I told my friend that out of everyone, I would date him.
I didn't talk to him at all, throughout those few months that led to June. I felt really dumb, I wanted to say something...but never did.

Until finally!
I started talking to him...on my last day of class!
I found out he had a girlfriend, and so on...
The conversation was nice, he seemed really cool.

After that day, class ended. He asked me if I was coming back to adult school in September, and I said yes. :]

SEPTEMBER.
I had almost forgotten about him until my friend called me one night and said that she was at adult school. She was super excited to give me the news...Apparently that guy had asked her about me and for my number.
I looked like this -----> XD

We started hanging out, texting eachother like everyday.
We fooled around and stuff, and at first it didn't seem like much...
But now I like him:/
its not like a "omg i love you" kind of like.
It's just a "i like kissing you, and being with you, etc" kind of like.
Is that a lot?
ha-ha...


so yeah!
That's all for now.
:]


P.S.: he's my jelly, and I his peanut butter. :D

How Foolish Of You.

*Note: this is for someone, but I am too angry to say it to them...*

Fuck you.
You're such an idiot. I don't know how things have gone up to this point. We talked about everything, and yet you pull a stunt like this. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Now, I am NOT sorry for what I've said to you.

I forgave you for that shit you said to me, and still you get mad at me. For what?
You said you didn't care anymore...Yet you do.
Fuck! Make up your mind.
How can I understand you if you never tell me anything?

Will being friends with me really kill you?
If so, then I don't want to be your friend.
At this point, talking to you will be something I would really have to think about.
Your "stunt" the other day was really ridiculous and if things are going to be like that, then do what you want.


I'm Done.



No seas Hipocrita.

Origin.

Isn't it sometimes hard to know where exactly you come from?

Cause you can be born here, and you are an american...But is that your ethnicity?

No.

People can be Russian, born in mexico. They are mexican citizens, but are of Russian ethnicity.

Complicated...

But how can you trace back that far?

It's really complicated.

I've tried...and still trying.

My family is so mixed up.

On my mom's side.

My grandfather is Mexican.

Grandmother is Spanish/Mexican.

Dad's side.

Grandfather is Mexican/French/Spanish.

Grandmother is Spanish/Irish.

I'm like a weird...idk...

A good mixture, I guess?

Supposedly my grandfather is part Armenian too.

But who knows...

Crazy.

My dad is from a little town where everyone is of Spanish Descent.

But not many people know that.

If you don't know, It's called: La Capilla de Guadalupe, Jalisco.

Small little town where everyone knows everyone.

and everyone there is white.

There are more white people there then here in Cali.

It's like going to Palos Verdes, but everyone is speaking Spanish.

it's sad that no one knows their own ancestry.

I researched that stuff, cause I'm very curious.

When I was little I used to say I was just Mexican.

Because I had never met my Dad's parents before.

But when I did, I learned a lot more.

Blahh.

I'm glad to be mixed. I wonder how my children will be.

I'm proud to be Mexican, I go to mexico all the time.

I'm proud to be Spanish, going to Spain is a dream of mine.

I'm proud to be somewhat French, I'm learning how to speak it.

I'm proud to be somewhat Irish, I'm not really sure what to say about that one, everyone on my Grandmother's side Drink a lot? ha.

So does my dad.

But I'm more proud to be Mexican because that's what I grew up knowing.

Although I have a lot of white cousins, So I am somewhat white washed...

I'm proud to be who I am.

But I'll narrow it down to Mexican and White.

Weird.

hmm, be curious too?

It's always fun to find out stuff about yourself.

:]

Google.